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The Raptor Comes March 22

As twas foretold by the prophet, Cornelius of Costco, the raptor cometh March the 22nd. Though the year be yet shrouded in mystery, the faithful prepare with hope and anticipation.

While there is some debate as to whether the holy Raptor is a bird of prey or a dinosaur between Ornithdox and Sectaritops factions of the church, the Elders urge all believers to set aside petty disagreements and instead prepare with sincere hearts and gifts of rotisserie chicken.

From henceforth we shall celebrate the High Holy Day known as Raptor Day, feasting and celebrating on the prophesied day of 3/22. The day of the week matters not as Her followers have The Week of the Raptor, that week in March where the High Holy Day falls.

Preys be.

All sects that follow the Raptor are welcomed here and she will gladly join and bless them on their celebratory days.

So go forth. Spread Her word. Preys be and carrion.

Rarwmen and R’amen.

credit to: jurassicchrist

Announcements

From the Staff of the Basilica:

It has brought us no small measure of joy to behold the levity, mirth, and common fellowship arising around the Church of the Holy Raptor.

Therefore, let it be known that tomorrow the Great Feast of the Costco Rotisserie Chicken shall be solemnly observed, and the appointed sacrifice offered up unto the Most High Raptor, may His clawed foot be forever prey-sed.

Blessings to our Raptorian siblings, and blessed be the Clawed One.

Chicken-allelu-king.

credit to: basilica.of.saint.longinus

Important communique from the Basilica Staff, and the Legate (whom we have awoken to get approval):

Following due investigation, and prayer, the meteor has indeed been recognized as a miracle by the Congregation for the Causes of Clever Girls.

This concludes the communique, preys be to the Most High Raptor.

credit to: basilica.of.saint.longinus

UPDATE: Raptor Meeting Participation Report

I am thrilled (and mildly concerned) to announce that participation in our upcoming Raptor Event is off the charts.

We’ve received:

  • A staggering number of logistics questions

  • Detailed snack, drink, and attire requests

  • Volunteers for everything from “holding the camera” to “being the first runner”

The committee is touched by your enthusiasm, your creativity, and your willingness to voluntarily show up to a mandatory potential extinction.

credit to: sue_tolks_ford